December 27 2017

Trip down memory lane, fast forwarding to today!

I have no idea what I mean by that blog title other than I’ve spent a lot of time lately thinking about certain parts of my childhood, which wasn’t a cake walk. Like many children, I am the product of divorce. I was only ten when my parents split and it was a difficult time for everyone, to say the least. I remember when I had my first child and thinking that I could either keep a foot in the past, or I could step forward and take responsibility for my own life and my own happiness.

I took door number two.

Well, I tried to constantly go through that door, but those old tapes would play occasionally inside my head, pushing me down the rabbit hole of the past.

I do believe we have to understand out past or we are destined to repeat it. I believe this on a global scale with history, but I also believe it on a personal level. Its why many of us seek out therapy and discuss the past and those life changing events that helped shaped the person we are today.

I’ve always been told I have a weird memory, and I honestly think I do, but, and this is kind of a big but, and that is these memories, which are my realities, affected me psychological and even subconsciously so profoundly that they can’t ever be erased or forgotten. I wrote a short essay about a 5 Mile Race I participated in at camp when I was 13. The details of this memory are so vivid its almost scary. I don’t remember a lot of other things from camp that summer, but this one has stuck with me forever and a day.


I don’t think I fully understood why until I wrote the essay. Some people missed the point and focused on someone else in the story, the person I disappointed, or thought I disappointed, but when I examined the memory more closely, and how it makes me feel, I can understand why this was a turning point in my young life. It wasn’t about feeling as though I disappointed someone who was like a big brother at the time. It wasn’t about wondering if the race was thrown so I could win because no way could I have actually won that race unless the opposition hadn’t forfeited. It wasn’t even about being the first at anything, something that was very important to me at camp.

The reason it sticks out so much in my mind was that there was this little voice in the back of my head that told me to quit. That I wasn’t good enough. Strong enough. Smart enough. I’ve spent a lifetime of fighting a battle with myself regarding self-confidence and failing. I’ve spent a life time trying not to self-sabotage the things I want to do in life.

During that race, I so wanted to quit. I was so far behind and I wasn’t going to win, and lets face it, coffee is for closers and I wasn’t closing that deal. I stopped doing a lot of things because I wasn’t as good as others when I was younger.

So, this race is important because its a constant reminder that I succeeded. I accomplished the task. I set a goal: swim five miles. The set up was a race, but the goal was the laps.

And I did them.

Subconsciously, I think I draw on that memory to help me when I want to quit. Give up. Toss in the towel, because publishing is a really fucking hard business and most people don’t achieve high levels of success. I don’t know the percentage of writers who make less than 10k per her, but its SHOCKINGLY high. However, many keep going. Pushing forward.

My business partner, Bob Mayer, always says that persistence trumps talent.

He’s right.

But don’t tell him I said that. LOL.

I love examining my memories and will be sharing them a lot here as time goes on. Tell me some of your memories!

In the meantime, there is a scene in The Lost Sister that is set in the camp I attended where said race occurred. Its a novella and an easy read!


November 6 2017

The Unexpected Setting…Psychics…The Mind of a Writer…


I started a new series in the PHOENIX AGENCY KINDLE WORLD by Desiree Holt title THE RAVEN SISTERS. The first book was recently published and this is something a little different than what I normally write and required me to learn about Psychic abilities, a topic that has always interested me.

I thought it would be fun to have 4 sisters, each with a different ability. After reading up on a few different poets, I went with: Precognition, Remote Viewing, Psychic Healing, and Telepathic. I had a basic understand of what each ability entails, but I wanted to stretch things and create my own psychic world inside of the Kindle World Desiree created.

I sat down and watched a full season of CHARMED. I love that show and it got me thinking about the spirit world and good and evil. As a small child I always wanted to be a witch. I would daydream of the day that someone would come to me and tell me who I really was and how to tap into my powers.

I’m still waiting. LOL.

Anyway, I really liked the idea of the Charmed Ones and I wanted to do something similar, but hadn’t come up with anything until I started plotting out the series and which sister had what power. This is the only series I’ve ever written where they should be read in order.

THE LOST SISTER¬†begins in Baltimore. I really LOVE writing about places I’ve been and I just recently moved my daughter to Baltimore and had a chance to explore the area! However, the action took us somewhere else. I hadn’t planned on taking the action to Lake George, and specifically a camp that I attended many years ago, but that is where I ended up.

I had expected the action to take place in Florida, but instead, when my hero, Brett Ratcliff, used his Remote Viewing ability to find the lost sister, he ended up on first lookout on Buck Mountain, behind Camp Chingachgook. Imagine my surprise! I literally stopped writing and went, huh? Now, I’d been recently reconnected with some old friends from camp and we’d been sharing stories, so the area was in the back of my mind.

I haven’t been back to Camp Chingachgook since 1984, so my visual memories are very different than the camp that exists today, I’m sure. But it was fun to visually walk though camp, seeing it they way my younger self did and incorporate it in my book.

The Lost sister

Please enjoy a short excerpt describing camp as I remember it.

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